half of my heart's got you, half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you, half of my heart won't do ; six

I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else, made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself.


Now I can’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t want to leave her hurting again. When I left, it was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When the season started, it was really difficult, I wasn’t myself. When I met Annie, everything seemed like it was back to the way it was, the hole in my heart was filled again. Little did I realize, the only one who can permanently fill it is Julie.

Everything about her was different. She wasn’t carefree, she seemed tense, worried, tired. She wasn’t smiling, her eyes were dark, no shine to them, she was almost…empty.

“You okay?” I turned my head to see Flower, he seemed genuinely concerned.

“Fine” I said shaking my head.

“You’re not you” Billy chimed in.

“Ran into the ex” I replied taking my seat on the plane.

“Julie?”

I just nodded.

“It’s been months, you can’t let it go? What about Annie?”

“I can’t just let it go guys”

“Why?”

“Because, I fell--” I was interrupted by my cell phone, and a picture of Annie flashing. She always seemed to interrupt.

“Hey” I answered, “didn’t we just say bye?”

“Who was she?” she asked.

“What?”

“The Julie girl” she replied, “Who is she?”

“I told you, a friend from back home”

“Just a friend?”

I just sighed, she would figure out the truth anyways, “my ex girlfriend, we ended it when I left for Pittsburgh, she didn’t want to come with me”

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“You never asked, plus, it’s not that big a deal now, is it?”

“You’re hiding something” she said, “I can hear it in your voice”

“Can we not do this now?” I replied, “can I call you when I get home?”

“Fine”

“Fine”

I hung up and the guys just looked at me, “What?!”

They all went back to their business and I was left alone on the ride back to Pittsburgh.

The girl had this effect on me. Like I said, no other girls compared to her, and I don’t think anyone ever will. She broke down every barrier I kept up because of all the women that let me down in the past. She was like my saviour, and the sad part is, I never told her any of this, because I was leaving.

I made sure that what we had couldn’t be serious, because I was leaving. I never thought I would break my own rules, and fall in love with her.

4 months ago

We’ve known each other for a couple weeks, and I already considered her one of my best friends. To be honest, I felt a lot more for her, but I was convinced I couldn’t say anything, everything would just get messy.

It was the first time we were actually doing something together, alone, without the guys. We were just staying in. It was a rainy dreary night, she just wanted to watch a movie, I was actually okay with that.

“What movie?” I asked looking through her collection of dvd’s.

“Um…I don’t know” she said looking over my shoulder at the dvd’s, “Maybe…When Harry Met Sally? I absolutely adore it, and it’s not as much of a chick flick as you think”

I just laughed, “You don’t have to convince me, I’ll watch whatever you want”

She just smiled, “Okay”

She laid her head on my lap and flipped on the movie. I was barely paying attention to it, I’d look down at her every few minutes.

“Do you think it’s true?” she asked.

“What?” I replied.

“That guys and girls can’t be friends”

I thought for a minute, “I don’t know…”

“Well, we’re friends…right?” she asked sitting up.

“I suppose we are” I shrugged. I wanted to tell her how I felt, I really did.

“What’s wrong?” she asked narrowing her eyes, “Something’s wrong”

I didn’t say anything, I just kept my eyes on her. I heard something happen on the tv and I turned my head for a slight second, but I felt her hand turn my face back to her, “Tell me…are we friends?” she whispered.

I went to say something but my feelings got the best of me and I kissed her. She didn’t push me away, in fact she pulled me closer and I didn’t want to stop.

“Do friends kiss friends like that?” I asked.

She just shook her head, “no, but I like it”

She immediately grabbed my face and kissed me again and right then I wanted her, badly.

“Julie” I said stopping her.

“What?” she said breathlessly.

“If we do this…it won‘t last”

“Why?”

“I’m going back to Pittsburgh for the season”

Her eyes scanned my face, “Oh…”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay” she said shaking her head.

“Good”

“Can I have you now? You’re making me insane” she smirked.

Present day

“Max?”

I shook my head and saw the plane had landed, I looked over at Flower and half smiled.

“You going to be okay?”

“She’s gone now” I said, “I won’t be seeing her again…not for a long time”