not a day goes by i don't wish i had you ; two

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Now I can't laugh, can't cry. And I can't run, can't hide. You get used to the pain, numb to the sting, til you can't feel anything


I scanned the room of my full apartment. Ally had somehow convinced me to throw a party, because I wouldn’t leave to go to one. Not even the music, the laughter and the voices that filled the room filled the hole in my heart.

“Jules” I heard Ally say, “This is Max, he wanted to meet you”

Even hearing that name was enough to put me to tears.

“Max?”

“Lapierre” she said, “he plays for Montreal”

“Oh”

“Can I talk to you for a second please?” she asked pulling me by the arm to the kitchen.

“What?” I sighed.

“Julie, it’s been two months, he’s gone okay? You need to get over it”

“I can’t” I snapped.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in love with him!”

Everyone in the room turned around to look at me and all I did was glare at them. They turned their attention back to what they were doing and Ally just looked at me.

“I’m sorry” she said.

“Can you just get everyone to leave please?” I asked, “I just…can’t do this right now Ally”

“I’ll do my best” she replied.

As people filed out one by one, I found myself locking myself in my bedroom. I looked in the mirror and pulled out my elastic, letting my hair flow down past my shoulders. I ran my fingers through it and remembered how it felt when he used to run his fingers through it.

2 months ago

I laid my head on his lap and stared up at the ceiling. I felt his fingers brush a piece of hair away from my face and I turned my eyes towards his.

“You’re really leaving tomorrow aren’t you?”

He just sighed, “I am”

“What am I supposed to do when you’re gone?”

“Jules, you knew how this would end”

“I know, but --” he cut me off by leaning down and placing his lips on mine. My hands slowly moved up to his face and I kissed him back. I don’t think he even knows what he does to me when he does that.

“You’re going to leave after doing that?” I asked breathlessly.

“No” he said scooping me up in his arms, “after I do this”

He took me to his room and laid me down on the bed.

“But Max, I--”

“Shh” he said touching my cheek, “no more talking”

I didn’t argue, I just nodded my head in agreement.

My skin burned under his touch and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. He pulled my top over my head and threw it to the side, and followed by doing the same with his. He was absolute perfection.

That night was absolute perfection, and I wish it hadn’t have ended.

--

I stared at myself in the mirror. I needed to get over him, as much as it hurt.

I looked through my drawers, finding anything I could to get him out of my head. Anything he gave me, had to go, it was time to forget about him. I stumbled onto a pair of scissors and I took another quick look in the mirror.

“Julie?” I heard a knock on my door, “you okay in there?”

“Fine” I said smirking at myself in the mirror.

He loved my long hair, and I needed to get rid of everything that reminded me of him, even if it meant cutting my hair. I took the scissors and grabbed a chunk of my hair and snipped. I watched the hair fall to the floor and I felt better already. I cut the rest off and swept my bangs to the side. Perfect.

It’s been two months, I think it’s time I end this.