Monday, September 27, 2010

i should not have let you go ; eight

Back home felt good. Except for the fact that he wasn’t here. I wish I could have told him, I needed two more minutes. Everything could be different if I had just told him how I felt.

“You okay?” Ally asked sitting across the room from me.

“I’m fine” I said, “I should have told him…”

“You still can” she replied, “Pick up the phone and do it”

“No, it’s too late now…it was one of those now or never situations. He’s got a girlfriend, and he said it in past tense, he doesn’t love me anymore”

“How do you know if you don’t tell him?”

“If he really does love me, he’ll tell me”

“I think he’s scared”

“Of what?” I asked.


My heart skipped a beat at those words. He wasn’t afraid of me, was he?


“He’s terrified to admit how he feels about you now, so he’s letting you know how he used to feel…if that makes sense. That’s just how I see it”

I just shrugged, “Maybe…”

She tossed the phone at me and I stared at it for a minute, “Call him…get on a plane, do something, please. I’m tired of your moping”

“He has a girlfriend…”

“Forget about her, and fight for him”

I pulled my laptop off of the coffee table and scanned through the next flights to Pittsburgh.

“There’s a flight to Pittsburgh tonight, Red Eye”

“Do it, or forever wish you had”

I shut my laptop and raced into my room and threw a pile of clothes into my bag. I didn’t even care what clothes they were, I was in too much of a rush. I was actually doing this, I was going after him. Nothing would stop me now.

I can’t say that I’ve been to Pittsburgh before, but just as I stepped outside of the airport I was already in love. The lights, the buildings, there was just an air about the place. I grabbed a taxi and got a ride to the nearest hotel, and I was thankful that there was a few rooms left.

I got up to my room and collapsed onto the bed. It felt better than my own bed. Maybe I’ll end up staying here for a while. I called Ally to let her know I had arrived safely, and we ended up chatting for a bit. As I hung up the phone I realized we had been talking for a good hour and it was after 1am. I was quick to change into my PJ’s, get cleaned up and climb into this bed. This bed has been calling my name since I got here.

I climbed in, and I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I pulled the down filled cover over me and I was out cold within minutes.

I heard banging on my door, that obviously woke me up. I slowly took the covers off, feeling the chill of coming out of a warm bed, and trudged to the other side of the room to turn a light on. I looked at the clock, 3am.

“Who is it?” I sighed rubbing my eyes to adjust to the light.

“It’s me” I knew that voice.

“Max, what are you doing here?”

“Just let me in” he said a bit lower, “I’d rather not wake anyone else up”

I just took in a deep breath and let him in. To be honest, he looked terrible.

“How did you know where I was staying? Or that I was even staying in Pittsburgh?” I asked.

“Ally” he simply said.

“She can’t keep anything private” I huffed.

“Why are you here?” he asked, “In Pittsburgh”

“Is a girl not allowed to take a trip?” I replied sarcastically.


“Max, I came here to see you, am I allowed to do that? Or does that interfere with your life?” I snapped.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t happy you’re here, it’s just unexpected” he replied.

I just sighed, “Sorry, I’m a little tired”

“I guess I should have waited until this morning”

“Would have been nice” I smirked, “So why did you come see me now anyways?”

“I wanted to see you” he shrugged, “Is that so bad?”

“No” I said shaking my head, “It’s perfectly fine”

I’m tired
I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms

“I missed you” I said amidst the silence.

“I missed you too” he replied, getting closer.

All I could do was wrap my arms around his waist. I think he was a little caught off guard but he wrapped his arms around me. It’s been so long since I’ve had any physical contact with him at all. This moment, it felt like he had never left.

“What is it you came to tell me?” he asked pulling away from me.

“Oh…um, to be honest this isn’t a good time”

He raised an eyebrow at me curiously while I fiddled with the ring on my finger, “Why?”

“Can we talk about it tomorrow, or…like later today I guess?”

“If that’s what you want”

“You should get home” I replied, “You look tired”

“I haven’t been sleeping”

I just frowned, “Why?”

“Hockey, the girlfriend, seeing you…”

“Oh…I’m sorry”

I looked around the room and sighed, “Well, I have an extra bed, seeing as there wasn’t a lot of rooms left, I got this one, so if you want to sleep in it, I have no problem with that, I mean--I’m rambling now” I just turned and sat on my bed.

“Actually, I might take you up on that offer”

“Really? But what about…what’s her name?”

“Annie” he replied, “and yah, we’re not on good terms right now” without warning he pulled his shirt over his head, and my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

“Oh” I finally replied, “Well, if you want, you can stay” I quickly pulled the covers over me and turned to face the other direction.

I heard him chuckle and then shut the light off, “Night Jules”

He hasn’t called me Jules since he left.

“Night Max”